brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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