dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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