I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
