The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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