Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
my being single is dangerous.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The air taste purple.
Randomize
