Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
