This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
