fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
This is the high leading the old right now
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
