The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
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