u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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