Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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