Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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