woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
