I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
