I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
