After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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