in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize