hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
