I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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