I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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