I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
