did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
