I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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