Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
