so that wasnt chicken after all
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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