I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I have tasted many bathrooms
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
