let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
