I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
