He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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