the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize