idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
