Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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