I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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