I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
