I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
