All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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