i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize