That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
