Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize