Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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