i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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