First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
