so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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