these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
