Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
