All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
