i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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