I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
