i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
