i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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