So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
