You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
