C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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