he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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