So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
being pregnant is like rehab
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize