I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
