Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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