So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
