it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You dont lie about slip and slides
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
