How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize