I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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