I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I could make wine with my vomit
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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