his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
