I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
