I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
