on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
