i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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