Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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