and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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