She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
